St Muckymuck Episode 16: Back to normal?

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WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS:

IRRELIGIOUS, IRREVERENT, AND IRRELEVANT.

THE PEOPLE, PLACES, AND EVENTS CONTAINED IN ST MUCKYMUCK ARE COMPLETELY FICTIONAL.  ANY AND ALL RESEMBLANCES TO REAL PEOPLE, REAL PLACES, AND/OR REAL EVENTS PAST, PRESENT, OR FUTURE IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.  

IN FACT, ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ANYTHING AT ALL WILL BE REMARKABLY COINCIDENTAL.

St Mocheomoc Church Hall, Thursday 7.02pm

As the snow fell softly but thickly on the pavements outside the church hall, the choir filed inside somewhat reluctantly for the weekly choir practice.

The hall was freezing.  The temperamental central heating was on the bung – again.

Some hot tea would have been welcomed by the shivering singers, but since Holly’s mysterious disappearance, tea was off the menu.

It was suggested that Gladys could deputise for Holly as tealady, but she made it plain in no uncertain terms that she did not wish to inherit such a mammoth responsibility.

“Make yer ain tea, ya bunch of chancers!” was her succinct response when asked.

As Shug and Ina set up the music stand and keyboard, a soft, but faintly annoyed voice could be heard coming from the small dais behind them.

“Now Nettie, that’s very naughty.....”

Everyone turned to see who was being rebuked and by whom.

Sitting on the middle of the dais, looking the picture of innocence was a tiny, tortoiseshell kitten, around four months old, washing her ears.  Bending over her, his left forefinger wagging furiously was Father Eric.

“Awwwww.....” chorused the choir as they gazed on the little furry feline.

“What’s she done?” asked Shug, himself a great cat lover.

“Well,” explained Father Eric as Nettie started to wash her paws. “Nettie is through to the live finals of the Scottish Hometown Intercity Talent Show. She knits and plays the drums with her needles while I sing....”

The choir looked at one another, incredulous. They stopped removing their coats and scarfs and listened, fascinated.

“At the end of the song,” continued Father Eric, “she displays what she has knitted to the audience. Chris and I have been teaching her to spell out words on her knitting and we showed her how to spell “CLAP” on the cableknit jumper she’s knitting for the Val Doonican special....”

“Yes.....?” the choir held their breath.

Father Eric sighed.

“Well, during rehearsals, while I was practising ‘Paddy McGinty’s Goat’, she knitted this.....”

He blushed as he held up Nettie’s tiny cableknit sweater for the choir to see. Instead of “CLAP” spelt out on the chest, Nettie had knitted the word “CRAP” in bright red wool.

“Ooooohhhh!”  the choir inhaled in unison. 

Nettie stopped washing herself and stared at the choir with a surprised look on her little face.  She blinked, turned and scampered behind the dais quickly followed by Father Eric.

©2010 Steven Gorman.  All rights reserved