St Muckymuck - Episode 8 - Shug's Revenge

WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS:

IRRELIGIOUS, IRREVERENT, AND IRRELEVANT.

THE PEOPLE, PLACES, AND EVENTS CONTAINED IN ST MUCKYMUCK ARE COMPLETELY FICTIONAL.  ANY AND ALL RESEMBLANCES TO REAL PEOPLE, REAL PLACES, AND/OR REAL EVENTS PAST, PRESENT, OR FUTURE IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.  

IN FACT, ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ANYTHING AT ALL WILL BE REMARKABLY COINCIDENTAL.

Still in the Church Hall

Meanwhile, inside the cupboard, Ina, arms flailing in the violent throes of rapture, knocked over an old, rusty, tartan shortbread tin which promptly banged against the door lock, simultaneously springing open both the tin and the door.

The tartan tin, containing the remains of St Mocheomoc’s remains, fell onto the cupboard floor.  Just at that moment, St Mocheomoc’s good eye popped out of its socket, striking Ina sharply on the back of her head, rendering her temporarily dazed and on the verge of unconsciousness. The tin itself rolled out of the cupboard.

Ina and Chris stopped what they were doing, and watched this turn of events in slow motion, mortified. They tracked the path of the tin until it gradually came to a halt against a pair of black platform shoes.

Chris and Ina slowly looked up the denim clad legs, lime green sweater and their eyes settled on......Shug.

“So.” said Shug smugly, his face belying the relief he felt inside. “Enjoying your tea?”

“I wonder what Damian would think of this little....set-up” he said, smirking at Ina.

“Didn’t I catch you last week in a similar position with Brendan?” he continued.

Ina was indignant. “No! Indeed you did not!“ she cried. “We were in a different position....I think....” her voice trailed off, still feeling woozy.

Shug turned to face Chris who was hurriedly buttoning up his shirt.

“And what would your boss at the Crotchet College think.....or Father Gabriel for that matter.....?”

Chris looked sheepish.

“I could of course forget what I saw......” Shug stretched out his left index finger and placed it on Chris’ broad chest, preventing him from buttoning up his shirt.

“I’ll do anything you want” said Ina, flicking her long dark hair coquettishly.

“She will - I can vouch for that!” added Chris, nodding enthusiastically.

“Not her....Ewwww!” Shug looked horrified. He looked meaningfully at Chris, his forefinger firmly on his sternum.

The realisation of what Shug wanted suddenly dawned on Chris.

“Aw naw.....” Chris took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

“Ok.  In the cupboard. Ina, you keep watch.” he gave in.

“I’m no’ watching you two getting jiggy” she shrieked aghast.

“Not US, ya twat.....THEM!” Chris pointed to the crowd in the hall, still waiting for coffee.

“Oh all right. Be quick then.” Ina was getting impatient.

Shug gently closed the broom cupboard door in Ina’s face.

He smiled and turned triumphantly to face his conquest,.

“Oh, I've waited so long for this....come on big boy" he licked his lips. 

"I'm going to give you a tongue twister......Ah one, two, three, four...." He roughly shoved St Mocheomoc aside and pushed Chris hard against the door.

"Say after me.....Shug’s stiff sticky shuttlecock is stuck in his shorts. Shug sucks .....”

Chris groaned as he sank to his knees.

©2010 Steven Gorman.  All rights reserved.