St Muckymuck Cast

ST MUCKYMUCK CAST OF CHARACTERS

Fr.  Ambrose Peach:  elderly, retired priest of the St. Hamish diocese and friend of Bishop McKivon.  Fr. Ambrose is responsible for introducing Bishop McKivon to the delights of discipline.

Fr. Antonio Castillito:  Spanish priest who fills in for Fr. Gabriel when he goes away on holiday to Romania.

Beau O. Houston:  oil tycoon who met and married his wife, Belle, in Texas while negotiating with the famous Hedges family.

Belle A. Houston:  eccentric wife of Scottish oil tycoon Beau O. Houston.  She is originally from Texas and thinks the Clydians, as they are known, are "cyoot." 

Bertha Melanie Schmidt aka Sr Gertrude, Gertie aka Melons:  nun in the Caramelite order, former lover of Englebert von Stumpenberger long before he became pope when he was a member of the Hitlerjugend.  After the relationship ended, and with a broken heart, she left Germany altogether and retreated to the Caramelite monastery in the west of Scotland. 

Billy Burt Flanagan: baritone in the St. Mocheomoc parish choir.  He is an elderly, lovable, and well-dressed gentleman whom everyone adores.

Bonnie Belle Baxter aka Bebe: soprano in the St Mocheomoc parish choir, effervescent, somewhat a hypochondriac.

Brendan Fochs: dashing, second of the three accompanists of the parish church of St. Mocheomoc.  Also a teacher at the Catholic high school, St. Mocheomog, whose students are affectionately known as “Moggies.”

Brian A. Smellie:  annoying and somewhat slimy organist of the Overdale East (O.D.E.) protestant parish.

Christopher Joshua Julius Smith:  principal accompanist of the St. Mocheomoc parish choir; he is the tall and handsome philosophy teacher, football coach, drama teacher and leader of the crochet club for the St. Mocheomog High School.  Nearly everyone in the choir fancies him.

Clementino Biscotti aka Snugglebum aka Mys Tery: Archbishop of Kilcathclyde, a drag queen whose real name is Sergei Nicholas Alexander Stroganoff, youngest brother of Emma.  His mother is Alexandra Viktoria Stroganoff.

Crawford MacCorquodale:  a bass in the St. Mocheomoc choir.  He is stuck up and arrogant.  He eventually leaves along with Myra Dick.

Damian Mallarky:  husband of Ina Rose Mallarky.

Deacon Duncan Dunlop:  friend of Bishop McKivon.  Shares a mutual interest in discipline and is frequently found visiting Buxom Bertha's S&M nightclub, Hot n' Hard.

Fr. Eamonn McGillicuttie: cranky rector of St. Pulcherius Seminary, known with little affection by the students as St. Precarious.

Emily Lindsay: alto in the St. Mocheomoc parish choir.  She is very sweet and somewhat timid.

Emma (Elizabeth Maria Magdalena Anastasia) St Peters:  career spy who uncovers Archbishop Biscotti’s secret, she served as a double agent with the Caramelite sisters.  She is the oldest child of Alexandra Stroganoff and thus Archbishop Biscotti’s oldest sister.

Fr. Eric Lloyd Griffiths: the assistant pastor of St. Mocheomoc parish.  He is a serious hypochondriac.

Eva McEwan: soprano in the St. Mocheomoc parish choir, she is seduced by the charming and very gay director, Shug Grant, into marriage so he can stay in the country.  He swindles her out of her money.

Evangeline Gilligan:  member of the St. Mocheomoc parish.  She has an affair with Prissy McLeod.

Felicity Charpentier-McClark: an alto in the St. Mocheomoc parish choir.  She is a composer.

Finlay Smart:  a tenor in the St. Mocheomoc parish choir.

Frank O’Dhoul: tenor in the St. Mocheomoc parish choir.

Fr. Gabriel Campbell: pastor of the St. Mocheomoc parish and chaplain of St. Mochemog High School.

Gladys McLeary:  cranky but lovable alto in the St. Mocheomoc parish choir.

Grace Kelly Perth: alto in the St. Mocheomoc parish choir, she is older and always after the boys in the group, regardless of who they are.  She eventually gets together with Bob Robertson after he is left by Holly Gordon.

Georgina Rose Mallarky: director of the St. Mocheomoc parish choir.  She spends most of her time in a coma and when she is awake, she is trying to seduce the accompanists, priest, and anyone else she can.

Holly Gordon:  alto in the St. Mocheomoc parish choir, Bob Robertson’s girlfriend.  She makes off with the winnings from the choir’s lottery syndicate and moves to Rio.

Evelyn Margaret Jo Perkins:  security guard for Archbishop Biscotti, moonlights as a bouncer for Buxom Bertha's sexy nightclub Hot n' Hard.  She is also a certified stage manager and performs this job for the Glasgow Gay Pride drag show Glitter, Glamour, Glasgow!

Julia Kennedy: older, elegant alto in the St. Mocheomoc parish choir.

Kathleen O’Dowd: alto in the St. Mocheomoc parish choir.

Bishop Kevin McKevon:  Bishop of the St. Hamish diocese in the Triloch region of Central Scotland and boyhood friend of Archbishop Tartuffo.

Knickers Nicking Nick aka Nicholas Strathearn-Smythe:  would be bass of the St. Mocheomoc Parish choir with a tarnished past.  He was sentenced to seven years community service for absconding with various Kilcathclyde ladies' undergarments, including those belonging to Ina Mallarky.

Lily Laidlaw: hateful and bossy sacristan of St. Mocheomoc parish.

Msg Marco Black aka Big Fannie White:  directed by Bishop Tartuffo of Teithmen to spy on the clandestine activities of Archbishop Biscotti as Mys Tery.  Black has eyes on the bishop’s seat of Teithmen.

Margaret McCludgie aka Buxom Bertha:  55 year old former professional madame and lovable owner of Hot n' Hard S&M nightclub.

Mathias Heinrich:  extremely handsome partner of Shug Grant and a competitive cyclist for Germany.

Mia Kwan Malone:  mother of Sylvestra “Sly” Malone.

Mike Colby: tenor of the St. Mocheomoc parish choir.  He is a local celebrity.

Myra Dick:  soprano in the St. Mocheomoc parish choir.  She is a spiteful, evil woman who hates Shug Grant down to his bone marrow.

Oliver Blaine Prescott:  crazy member of St. Mocheomoc parish.  He has a serious, bunny boiler crush on Chris, the accompanist.

Sir Paddy Malone:  Mia’s absent husband, diplomat

Penkham "Pinky" Alderman:  hired by Nicholas Steward Strathearn-Smythe's father to defend his son in the infamous Knickers Nicking Nick case.

Father Peter Ira Steward Toiler:  editor of the dissenting Catholic publication, Tartan Tims.

Pope Quivox LXXXVII: Englebert von Stumpenberger, real name Gregor Mikhail Stroganoff, middle child of Alexandra Viktoria Stroganoff.  Had an amorous relationship with Sr. Gertie in Germany before he became pope.

Phyllis McLachlan:  grouchy secretary of Msg. Farquhar.  She is in a relationship with him and is extremely jealous.  She shares a foot fetish with him, which is why her nickname is Toots.

Priscilla McLeod (Prissy):  bossy and somewhat sour member of the St. Mocheomoc parish.  She has a love affair with Evangeline Gilligan.

Prudence Hush:  a soprano in the St. Mocheomoc parish choir.

Sr Proffe Le Gate: prioress of the Caramelite convent in the hills outside Kilcathclyde.

Robert (Bob) Robertson: tenor in the St. Mocheomoc parish choir, his girlfriend, Holly Gordon, leaves him and moves to Rio de Janeiro.

Msg Sean Gilhooley Farquhar aka Bunny:  arrogant, grouchy, and boistrous music director for the archdiocese of Kilcathclyde.  He is having an affair with Phyllis McLachlan with whom he shares a rather serious foot fetish, hence his nickname, Bunny, for bunion.

Senga McCulloch:  spiteful, bitter, and sour soprano of the St. Mocheomoc parish choir.  She joins forces with Myra Dick to try to oust Shug Grant as music director of the parish.

Shug (Steven Harold Ulysses) Grant:  gay music director for the St. Mocheomoc parish, his partner is Mathias Heinrich.  He is originally from Portland, Oregon.

Stacey Leach aka Twinkie aka Sis Pence:  aide and lover to Archbishop Biscotti and fellow drag queen.

Steffano Di Tartuffo:  Bishop of the Diocese of Teithmen.  He has eyes on the Archbishop’s seat in Kilcathclyde.  He hires Emma St. Peters to spy on Biscotti to aid in his unseating.

Sylvestra aka Sly Malone: soprano in the St. Mocheomoc parish choir, smitten with the choir accompanist Christopher Joshua Julius Smith.

Tallulah Marie Inchinnan: lovable and bubbly soprano in the St. Mocheomoc parish choir.  She is terribly outspoken and outrageously bigoted but so sweet that most people cannot help but like her.

Lord Justice Theophilus Chiefly:  appointed judge of the Kilcathlyde High Court.  Sentenced Knickers Nicking Nick to his seven years of community service for his serious crimes.

TWATT aka Theological Women add The Truth:  militant Catholic women's organization determined to overthrow the male hierarchy and replace it with a matriarchal one instead including that of pope.

Virginia Elizabeth Titloch:  eldest daughter of Emma St. Peters and spy protogée.

Fr. William S. Rirey:  assistant pastor of the cathedral parish of  Teithmen.

©2010 Steven Gorman.  All rights reserved.