The Retaliation. Episode 8 - The Truth Will Out!

WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS:

IRRELIGIOUS, IRREVERENT, AND IRRELEVANT.

THE PEOPLE, PLACES, AND EVENTS CONTAINED IN ST MUCKYMUCK ARE COMPLETELY FICTIONAL.  ANY AND ALL RESEMBLANCES TO REAL PEOPLE, REAL PLACES, AND/OR REAL EVENTS PAST, PRESENT, OR FUTURE IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.  

IN FACT, ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ANYTHING AT ALL WILL BE REMARKABLY COINCIDENTAL.

Friday 27^th November – The Sacristy of St Mochaoi’s Church, Kilcathclyde  8.56am

Emma stepped forward clutching a dossier. She pushed aside Bishop Black’s cream leather vanity case and spread her wares across the mahogany tabletop which was pushed against the west wall of the sacristy, just under the statue of St Hawmaw’s mother, St Bunnicula, the patron saint of rabbits.

One by one Emma revealed several credit card bills, charged to the Archdiocese, with purchases from companies called Nipple Whipples, Discount Rubber.com and Gedditupagain.org. 

She then displayed around 29 photos of Tartuffo, McKivon and Big Fannie White being “disciplined” at various venues all over town, including Smackarse, The Pantlock, and Buttbuddies.

Coolly spreading the evidence over the desk, Emma said “I can make these disappear”. There was a pause. “if you disappear.  All of you”.

Tartuffo reeled back enraged.

 “Never!” he bellowed. “Virginia! Get in here!”. 

Virginia tottered into the office. “Yes Stiffie?” she said, her eyes wide.

“Pap these bizzums out of here!” he cried.

Virginia turned to Emma, wiggled over to her, put her hand down the front of her blouse and withdrew a memory stick.  She handed it to Emma. 

“Is this what you want Mum?” she asked.

She turned to Tartuffo. “This is a new kind of stick to beat you with Stiffi” she said giggling, “Do you like it?”

Tartuffo gasped. “What’s on it?” he squeaked.

“Oh, em.... everything” replied Virginia innocently.

“Maintenance agreements for your son, transcripts of your calls to premium line phone numbers, business dealings with companies such as Spank Me Senseless, Bendoverboy, photos of you and your “friends” at the opening night of Hot’n’Hard, conversations taped in Sudbuddies, Auchinhoch’s premier sauna and massage club. Need I go on?”

Tartuffo choked. “That’s why your typing skills were so bad. You’re no secretary. You’re a ..a ...spy!”

Emma wiped away a tear of pride from her eye. “My little girl. You’ve made me so proud, and your father would have proud too.”

“My father?” said Virginia suddenly distracted.

“Another time, another story darling” said Emma, patting Virginia comfortingly on the back.

Tartuffo covered his eyes with his pudgy, sweaty, left hand.

“Ok....ok....what do you want?” he whimpered.

©2010 Steven Gorman.  All rights reserved.