Codename: Mascara, Episode 10: A Task for Monsignor Black

WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS:

IRRELIGIOUS, IRREVERENT, AND IRRELEVANT.

THE PEOPLE, PLACES, AND EVENTS CONTAINED IN ST MUCKYMUCK ARE COMPLETELY FICTIONAL.  ANY AND ALL RESEMBLANCES TO REAL PEOPLE, REAL PLACES, AND/OR REAL EVENTS PAST, PRESENT, OR FUTURE IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.  

IN FACT, ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ANYTHING AT ALL WILL BE REMARKABLY COINCIDENTAL.

The Sunday following Emma’s discovery of Mys Tery

Bishop Tartuffo’s office, 2:30pm

“I have a special job for you, Black,” said Bishop Tartuffo.  Across from him sat Monsignor Marco Black.  He was a big man, very tall and overweight and extremely hairy everywhere, most especially a bushy black moustache and scruffy beard, except his head, where he was as bald as the King's.

“Anything, Your Grace,” he said.

“Splendid.  I have received some reconnaissance on Ol’ Bisquick.”

“Bisquick?” repeated Black, holding a delicate china tea cup in his fat, hairy hand.

“It’s used for baking in the States,” the Bishop said.  “They do something to it.  Anyway, I mean Biscotti.”

“I see.”

“I have a special mission for you, Black, that will require you to live up to your vow of obedience to the limit,” said the Bishop, seriously.

“Aye, sir.  It’s not a problem sir.  Anything – anything at all.  Anything goes…”

“All I ask of you,” said Tartuffo.  “Is to infiltrate the drag show at Glasgow Gay Pride this week.”

Black snorted into his tea.  “What?!”

“Take a look at these,” said Tartuffo, handing three photographs to Black.  He shuffled through them, his expression growing more intense with each succeeding photo.  Finally, he set down his tea on the desk as he took in the third and final photo.  He rotated it in his hands to get it from every angle.  He then looked up at the Bishop.  They stared intently at each other for nearly ten seconds before both of them burst into raucous laughter.

“Spanking good photograph,” said Black.

“That’s enough out of you,” said the Bishop laughing.  ‘You’re cruisin’ for a bruisin’!” he continued in a mock Texan accent.  This renewed their laughter.

“You’re going to get it in the end!” said Black.  “Your Grace!!” he addressed to the photograph.  The two of them howled further.

“I’ll whip you into shape if this keeps up.”  They laughed louder.

“Promise?” said Black wiping tears of mirth from his eyes.

©2010 Steven Gorman.  All rights reserved.