St Muckymuck - Episode 24 - Wide Awake!

WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS:

IRRELIGIOUS, IRREVERENT, AND IRRELEVANT.

THE PEOPLE, PLACES, AND EVENTS CONTAINED IN ST MUCKYMUCK ARE COMPLETELY FICTIONAL.  ANY AND ALL RESEMBLANCES TO REAL PEOPLE, REAL PLACES, AND/OR REAL EVENTS PAST, PRESENT, OR FUTURE IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.  

IN FACT, ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ANYTHING AT ALL WILL BE REMARKABLY COINCIDENTAL.

 

 

Episode 24 - Wide Awake!

Damian took control of the exodus of animals and people from the chapel house and spent the next hour happily reuniting pets with their owners. He enjoyed telling people what to do.

Later on, standing outside the chapel hall with his micro fibreglass screwdriver, he unpicked the iron padlock which was used to secure the door and re-assembled it with a sense of satisfaction and set about clearing up the choristers' tea things.

After a while, Gabriel appeared at the door.

“Damian?” he said. “I’ve been looking at the guest room where the animals were.....it’s in a bad way.”

“I know” shrugged Damian.

“Do you think you could.....”

“Clean up?” Damian offered gleefully.

“Well, yes....half an hour should do it....” Gabriel lied.

“Half an hour?” Damian looked doubtful.  “Tell you what Father, why don’t I call St Persil’s Abbey and ask Sister Angelica to help?”

“No, you can’t.” stated Gabriel simply. “She works nights as a lapdancer in Hot Cross Buns nightclub.”

Damian’s pliers hit the floor with a bang. He stared at Gabriel, speechless.

“Sister Angelica? A lapdancer?” he whispered, shocked.

“What?” Gabriel paled. “Is she?”

“I dunno. You just said she is.....”

Gabriel looked to the left, then to the right.

“It wasn’t me.” he lied again.  “It was him” and pointed vaguely into the darkness of the hall recess.

Damian peered into the shadows then back at Gabriel, unconvinced.

“Well then Father, how about I ask my twin brother Robroy Mallarkey to help?” he continued.

“Robroy!” exclaimed Gabriel. “Well I haven’t seen him in....oh let me think...it must be ten years! Is he still a member of that Satanic cult?  What were they called...?”

“Rags To Witches.” replied Damian, matter of factly.

“No, not anymore Father.” he continued. “In fact, I’ve persuaded him to come back to the fold at St Mocheomoc’s. He’s really keen to help out in a repair and maintenance capacity as well as renew his spiritual commitment.”

“Well that sounds just grand!” Gabriel was delighted.

“Right” said Damian, I’ll call him right away, and we’ll start the clearing up process tomorrow.”

“Excellent!” said Gabriel. “Oh, and by the way Damian, could you remember to clean and repair the statue of St Mocheomoc? He’s covered in parrot shit. And could you remove that ridiculous woolly tartan tammy he’s wearing - and the scarf round the penguin’s neck?  I think Nettie knitted them.....Anyway, his feast day is on March the 13th and we want him to look his best for the week of festivities we have planned!"

"Of course!" said Damian, fishing out his mobile phone.

Gabriel whistled merrily as he made his way back to the presbytery. He had left Father Eric making tea and toast in the kitchen.

“Yes” he sighed contentedly.  “Soon, everything will be back to normal.......”

©2010 Steven Gorman.  All rights reserved