Episode 28: A Strange Beginning

WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS:

IRRELIGIOUS, IRREVERENT, AND IRRELEVANT.

THE PEOPLE, PLACES, AND EVENTS CONTAINED IN ST MUCKYMUCK ARE COMPLETELY FICTIONAL.  ANY AND ALL RESEMBLANCES TO REAL PEOPLE, REAL PLACES, AND/OR REAL EVENTS PAST, PRESENT, OR FUTURE IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.  

IN FACT, ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ANYTHING AT ALL WILL BE REMARKABLY COINCIDENTAL.

St Mocheomoc Metropolitan Cathedral House,

Monday, 7:00 pm.

"...Good evening.  This is Kenny McKiltie bringing you the latest news in Kilcathclyde and Clydeshire.  For several days now, we have been receiving reports in the KTV studios of unusual bright green lights and disks zooming across the Clydian sky.  I, myself, must report that I saw a sample of these mysterious green lanterns streaking across the sky just last evening.  Not a single branch of the Scottish government or that at Westminster have been able to provide adequate explanations for the sightings.  So, we have invited the KBC astronomer, Dr. Gene Stellock to stop by the KTV news this evening and try to explain what's going on.  Thank you for joining us this evening, Dr. Stellock."

"Certainly, it is my pleasure to be here with you this evening, Kenny.  I hope I will be able to put your mind and those of your viewers at ease this beautiful winter night to explain the lights," said a bright, roly poly gentleman who bore a remarkable resemblance to Edmund Gwenn, long streaking white beard, rosy cheeks, et al.

"You're already beginning to set my mind at ease, Dr. Stellock, simply by being here," said Kenny.  "And we appreciate you explaining them.  So what are they, sir?"

"We are experiencing particularly high amounts of magnetic radiation, which causes the Aurora borealis, or northern lights, to be reflected by microscopic water droplets in the atmosphere and thus be seen by us here in Kilcathclyde..."
 
 

The doorbell rang.  "Can you get that, Gabriel?" said Fr. Eric, who was sitting on the couch watching with rapt attention the newscast with Nettie curled in his lap.  She was paying very close attention to the news as well.  Both she and her new roommate, Chi Chi, former familiar of the wicked Myra Dick, had seen the lights on their evening strolls.

"Yes, Eric, I'll get it.  It must be the pizza boy," said Fr. Gabriel, opening the set of doors to the Cathedral House.  "Good evening, Sean, how are you?"

Fr. Gabriel knew practically every inhabitant in Kilcathclyde.  He'd entered the priesthood like most of his presbyteral fraternity brothers, in his early teens.  His endearingly kind manner and sincerity meant that the lines to his confessional booth in the cathedral were astoundingly long.  People felt they could trust him.

"Good evening, Father, here's your pizza," said a strapping lad of approximately sixteen, handing the priest a flat box.  "Canadian bacon, barbecue chicken, olives, pineapple, and pesto sauce with extra cheese."  Fr. Gabriel opened the box and took a whiff.

"Mmmm," he said.  "Perfect as always, Sean.  Is it the usual price?"

"Yes, sir, £17.07."  

"Keep the change, Sean ", Gabriel replied as he handed the boy his money,".. and how's school?"

"Very well, sir, thank you for asking," replied Sean.  "And you should see what my father bought me for my sixteenth birthday!"

"Oh, what is it?"  he said, setting the pizza box on the table in the vestibule.

"Come see, Father, it's down by the river," said Sean.

The two walked down to the river and surveyed a midnight blue BMW Z3.  "My goodness, Sean, that's a beauty," said Fr. Gabriel.

"The interior is black.  It's used because Pop knows that I don't like the style of the Z4.  Isn't it awesome!"

"Yes it is," said the priest, rubbing his hands over the smooth body of the car.

There was a bright green glow that illuminated the chilly night sky, reflected in the vast amount of snow that lay all about, and a whizzing then, a buzzing sound.  Both boy and priest looked up to see what it was.  There, zooming over the suspension bridge that led across the river to the East Side, were three near-blinding green disks of light.  "It's those things that everyone's been talking about," said Sean.  "I see them all the time."

Fr. Gabriel pulled out his iPhone and shuffled through his phone's address book.  

"Who are you calling, Father?"

"KTV news, Sean."  He put the phone to his ear.  "Yes, hello Sara, this is Fr. Gabriel, how are you?"  There was a pause.  "That's wonderful.  And the herpes simplex seventeen virus that you caught from Michael Simpson in your eye has subsided?"  Another pause.  "That's great.  Listen, I've just seen a trinity of lights over the suspension bridge and I thought I should report it."  There was a third pause.  "Very good...Hello Kenny...yes, it's good to speak to you as well.  I hope you'll be back in mass on Sunday...oh, that's great...yes...yes...yes...oh no...really?...really?...really?...Well...it's funny you should mention that because that's why I'm calling..."

©2011 Steven Gorman.  All rights reserved.