Episode 32: The Gathering

WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS:

IRRELIGIOUS, IRREVERENT, AND IRRELEVANT.

THE PEOPLE, PLACES, AND EVENTS CONTAINED IN ST MUCKYMUCK ARE COMPLETELY FICTIONAL.  ANY AND ALL RESEMBLANCES TO REAL PEOPLE, REAL PLACES, AND/OR REAL EVENTS PAST, PRESENT, OR FUTURE IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.  

IN FACT, ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ANYTHING AT ALL WILL BE REMARKABLY COINCIDENTAL.

St. Bunnicula Square

8:20 pm.

They arrived at St. Bunnicula square not twenty minutes later.  What met their eyes was a near-blinding, pale green light which seemed to emanate from everywhere at the same time.  In the very center of the square was an enormous flying saucer.  It was silver and was at least five stories tall.  It hummed and emitted pale green light in rhythmic pulses.

"Right," said Nettie.  "Just stay here.  I'll find out what we are to do."

Nettie approached the spaceship and stood up on her hind legs.  She made some careful, elaborate motions with her front paws.  A red laser flashed from the top of the saucer, scanning right, then left over the kitten.  It then made a series of long and short blinks.  Nettie nodded and then returned to her priestly and canine escorts.

"The door will open for boarding at 8:45.  We must have our passports out and fill in the boarding cards before we depart," said Nettie.  "Don't worry, Eric, everything is in the bag I made for you."  She pointed to the very elaborately knitted bag he held in his left hand.  She turned to Chi Chi.  "You know what to do once we are aboard the aircraft."  The small dog nodded.  "In the meantime, we are to stay right here, stand and wait."  She looked back up at the spaceship so that it was reflected in her wide, luminescent, blue eyes.

While all this was happening, around the square figures were arriving.  It was as if every animal in Kilcathclyde had been notified by secret messenger.  Cats, dogs, foxes, bats, birds, badgers, squirrels...like Noah's ark almost."

Celery the parrot could be seen circling overhead squawking irreverent jokes like this to anyone who would listen:

     "My wife told me that we have too many pointless rooms in the house and that we should move to a smaller place that is easier to clean.  What a bitch!  I'm going to go sulk in the masturbatorium."

The Fabulous Four Ferrets arrived, bouncing into the square playfully, one of them doing acrobatics on a skateboard.  Tom, Dick, Harry, and Francis were sporting sweatshirts of different bright colors, each with the initial of his name emblazoned on it.  There was a honking sound.

A fantastically shiny black 1956, tiny convertible Ford Thunderbird with a red interior, revealed because the top was down, despite the cold, pulled up next to the Fab Four Ferrets.  At the wheel was an impeccably dressed Elsie the Tarantula.  She had on a designer mink coat, clearly exclusively tailored for her body type.  She was wearing a creme scarf tied neatly around her head.  She wore matching gloves on four of her hands, and one included an enormous diamond ring.  She looked just like Grace Kelly.  Behind her seat were a set of gem-studded crutches.

"Hello, boys!" she said waving.

"Wow, Elsie!" said Francis, running up to the car and peering in.  "Nice wheels!"

"Why thank you, Francis, aren't you sweet!"  She stroked his chin with the ringed, gloved hand.  Francis' whiskers twitched.  "It was a gift from Prince William and Kate after my accident.  I've received so many letters and cards.  I could hardly read them all, could I?"

"I know," said Francis.  "It's all I can do to catch five tweets on our Twitter page.  We have 163, 426 followers.  I feel so awful because I can't reply to them all."

"I know how you feel, Honey," said Elsie.  "But you simply can't answer them all.  You'll have to reconcile with that."

"Yes, I s'pose," said Francis.  "But people take the time to write.  I feel obliged to at least answer," said Francis.

Elsie put a placatory be-gloved hand on his shoulder, "You'll just have to face the fact that at any second you can have, what was it, 163, 424 tweets."

"163, 426," repeated Francis.

"Right well, you can't possibly read them all much less answer them.  Go easy on yourself.  I didn't appreciate how simple my life was before all this," she indicated her still casted leg that had nearly been bitten off by Chi Chi two months earlier.  "It's just awful what Chi Chi had to endure with Myra.  I'm so glad he's with Eric now."

"Yes, we all are happy, too.  And he seems so much more relaxed.  Who wouldn't be uptight and angry living with Myra Dick," said Francis.

"Well, precisely!" said Elsie.

"TIMMY!!" came a cry from somewhere.  Within seconds the car was completely surrounded.  Sitting next to Elsie in her beautiful car was, indeed, Timmy the Turtle.  He looked a bit thin but other than that, his specially-knitted cozy covered shell was a sight for sore eyes.  "How are you, Timmy?"  "How's the tumor?" and "We're so glad to see you, mate!"

Timmy seemed to blush and muttered humbled gratitude.  "That's my boy," said Elsie brightly, stroking his chin.  He smiled sheepishly.

"Hi everybody!" came a call.  Up to the car strode two cats.  One was white and black, with a handsome face and striking green eyes.  The American accent gave him away.  "Well, hello, Bandit, honey!" said Elsie.  "How did you ever get out of the house?"

"Oh, I've found a way to get out.  Daddy thinks I'm asleep upstairs but I've actually slipped away," said Bandit, smiling.  "Humans don't get the ability for us to travel between Dimensions."

"Certainly!" said Elsie.  "Few humans even know there are other Dimensions."

"Where's Ginger?" asked Francis.

The second cat strode up.  He was a husky, hunky, handsome, ginger tabby.  "Heya!" he said, a thick, Glasgwegian accent clearly evident in his voice.  A loud gong sounded from somewhere above the flying saucer.  "Oooh!  They must be getting ready to go," shouted Celery from overhead.

The entire gathered ensemble moved toward the flying saucer.  It seemed to rotate to the left.  A long ramp extended out from the ground to a door about half way up.  The light from inside was even more blinding, if possible, than the ambient light around the square.  Elsie put on a pair of 50s style wing-tipped sunglasses, obviously designed especially for her: the rims had gems on them that matched her ring.  The red laser flashed from the top of the ship at Nettie and she and Eric walked hypnotically toward the ramp and ascended, slowly.

Once at the top, they faced the Gathering again, and waved.  The red light glowed solid.  Everyone below waved back and shouted farewells.  The ramp retracted and a grate-like gate lowered in front of them as they waved.  Then the ship rotated shut, the red light turned yellow and flashed seven times, then glowed green.  The ever-present humming sound became louder and louder and the ship rose off the ground.  It hovered over the square briefly, then zoomed off to join two other pale green lights floating overhead in the Kilcathclydian sky.

The gathered menagerie then performed the "Time Warp" from Rocky Horror with Elsie leading them, then dispersed in a matter of minutes leaving the square once again cold, quiet, and empty.

©2011 Steven Gorman.  All rights reserved.