ST MUCKYMUCK
Season 2
"I know. Unusual weather we're having here. Obviously, it's proof for global warming," said Ginger.
"But what about last winter, Gingero," contiued Pele after taking a sip of his drink. "Even in the south we heard about the awful cold and snow. The worst winter in sixty years, no?"
"Ooh, aye!" said Ginger, pulling a face. "What a horrible winter, that was. We wound up in the church hall down below." He nodded toward the black water bobbing merrily along the sides of the cathedral's rose window directly below the balcony where the two cats sat.
"Say, that drink looks lovely. Did you get that from Sam n' Ella's?" asked Bandit.
"Si, mi amigo," he replied. "She has that floating bar over St. Bunnicula Square. I can call Eduardo to bring you something."
"That'd be smashing, Pele!" said Ginger.
Pele produced a mobile phone and pushed a single button. "Eduardo, esta es mi, Pelegrino...muy bien, gracias a Dios...y tu?...Oh...muy bonita...si...Dos bebidas, por favor. Son para Gingero y Bandito..." he put a flipper over the receiver. "Eduardo wants to know what you want, amigos."
"I'll have Kahlua and cream," said Bandit.
"And I want a raspberry daiquiri...same as last time," said Ginger.
Pele relayed the information to Eduardo and then hung up the phone. There was a pause. "Have you had no word from Shug or Ina, amigos?"
"No," said the two cats together. "We think they must still be in suspension in the depths below," said Bandit, a slight hint of concern in his voice.
"They are all right, Bandito," said Pele. "Do not fear. I know it."
"Have you seen them?" inquired Bandit, moving closer to the edge of the balcony slightly.
"Si, si, si," said Pele. "Two days ago in the cathedral right below you. I saw them both. They are indeed in suspension...sleeping like niños y niñas."
"That's a relief," said Bandit, wiping his forehead with a snowy white paw. "Who could have predicted that an earthquake in New Zealand would cause a tsunami to rocket all the way around the globe and cause an inland, glacier-formed loch in the Scottish Highlands called Goldilochs Minor to spill over into a connected inland, glacier-formed lake called Goldilochs Major, and cause it to spill over into, and consequently flood, the River Clyde and cause it to surge its banks and submerge a town some 134 miles downstream to the south called Kilcathclyde and all the surrounding villages under fifty feet of freshwater?"
"Aye," said Ginger.
"But we haven't gotten the worst of it!" said Pele.
"What do you mean?" said Bandit, sitting up.
"There were four earthquakes in America a few weeks ago. Two on the East Coast, one in Kansas City, and one in San Francisco. Then there was a hurricane that went up the East Coast just a few days ago," said Pele.
"Oh, yes, that was horrible, wasn't it?" said Ginger. "Four earthquakes, a hurricane, and an economy in tatters. One is tempted to think God isn't very happy with America at the mo, eh?" A confusion of words broke out as all three debated whether or not God was punishing the United States when a voice called over to them.
"Yoohoo! Boys!!" A blue rowboat drew up to Pele's inflatable mattress. In it sat a tarantula sporting a yellow polka dot bikini, four of her legs were crossed, displaying matching yellow stiletto pumps.
"Elsie!" said Bandit, rushing in her direction.
"Heya!" she replied.
"You look hot!" said Ginger.
"That's sweet coming from you, gayboy!" she retorted with a smile.
"Yeah, because you know I really DO think you look hot!" Everyone laughed.
"Timmy," said Ginger, coming to the edge himself. "I hardly recognized you." Looking as fit as a fiddle compared to last December when he had been admitted to the Kilcathclyde St. Omnisanti Infirmary for a tumor, Bandit noticed him, too. "Yeah. Your arms! Who knew you were smuggling such a hot body under that shell!" It was true. Timmy was rowing Elsie around in the boat and had cast aside his shell. He was wearing a tank top and Adidas shorts which revealed something that might have been sculpted by Michelangelo.
"Ta, Ging," he said, smiling and adjusting very large and highly reflective sunglasses. His nose was covered in white sunblock powder.
"My little Timmy here is built like Rocky! And just as verile," she said, lowering her own wing-tipped, bejeweled sunglasses and cooing like Mae West. There was a caesura.
"We brought your drinks from Ella's. Eduardo asked us," said Timmy, breaking the silence.
"Where are all your penguin pals, Pele?" asked Elsie. "How many are there, again?"
"Four hundred. With myself it makes four hundred and one," he replied.
"And are they all from Spain, like you?" asked Timmy, handing the drinks from Elsie to the cats.
"Hehe. No. Most of them are from Mexico. We have trouble speaking Spanish to each other all the time, amigos and amiga. But we have learned to get along. We are one family, after all."
"Here, here!" said all together.
"And where are they?" asked Bandit. "You didn't say."
Pele replied, pointing to the north, "On the roof of St. Pulcherius Seminary."
(c) 2011 Steve Gorman. All rights reserved.
WHAT YOU HAVE READ IS:
IRRELIGIOUS, IRREVERENT, AND IRRELEVANT.
THE PEOPLE, PLACES, AND EVENTS CONTAINED IN ST MUCKYMUCK ARE COMPLETELY FICTIONAL. ANY AND ALL RESEMBLANCES TO REAL PEOPLE, REAL PLACES, AND/OR REAL EVENTS PAST, PRESENT, OR FUTURE IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.
THE PEOPLE, PLACES, AND EVENTS CONTAINED IN ST MUCKYMUCK ARE COMPLETELY FICTIONAL. ANY AND ALL RESEMBLANCES TO REAL PEOPLE, REAL PLACES, AND/OR REAL EVENTS PAST, PRESENT, OR FUTURE IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.
IN FACT, ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ANYTHING AT ALL WILL BE REMARKABLY COINCIDENTAL.
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